this one's a fighter

Monday, June 4, 2012

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A few days ago I was venting to a friend that I've been working out but not seeing any results or weight loss.  His response was, "You're too hard on yourself."  I was a little annoyed.  A lot annoyed.  I think I had some good rebuttal to show that I'm so so far from my goal and I'm just being honest with myself about how far away from that goal I am.  I'm lazy and I eat too much chocolate and I'm not seeing results because I only ran 6 miles instead of 7 on Saturday.

I joined a gym last week....yay!.....and went to a yoga class tonight.  Lights off, some hippy earth relaxing music going, teacher's mono tone voice telling me to feel the energy through my fingertips and all I can think is how all the girls in the room are so gorgeous and done up in their bright pink shirts and perfect ponytails.  My stomach is feeling round. My arms are tired already?? We just started! That guy in front of me is cute.  He's probably looking at the girl to my left though cause she's cuter.  And her hair is down and all sexy curly.  Mines up in this weird bun thing.  I need to clean my room when I get home.  It's such a mess.  The girl to my right is doing a lot of resting poses, but that's okay because she's probably new. That's cool of her to stick it out even though she's tired.

It suddenly just hit me.  I'm so hard on myself.  Why am I letting this complete stranger next to me off the hook for taking a break and even giving her encouraging vibes, but I'm talking myself down in a constant stream of insults. Even during yoga - the land of "follow your body's messages, do what you can today, self acceptance and love and meditation" - and I'm criticizing how big my butt looks in the mirror during Warrior pose.

On the way home this song, The Fighter was on the radio and I just rolled my windows down, music up, and told myself I'm a fighter (cause I am) and its okay to have bad days and be tired like I was today but it was NOT okay to let those other thoughts over run my mind.  So, this one's a fighter.  Let's be nice to ourselves, k?

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